Living in Two Worlds
by Absol Master
Summary: MatthewxLeila, Matthew's POV. We once enjoyed New Year together, but without her here beside me, it all seems...meaningless. I can't even tell what is real anymore...New Year special, a little early. Happy New Year!


There's a sort of blurring of past and present in this story, like two events from different times are happening at the same time. Then there's the introduction of the third time frame at the end…

Let me not confuse you any more. Just read it to find out what I mean. And review!

* * *

. **l i v i n g** i n **t w o** w o r l d s .

There she lies, among the stalks of grass that waved in the breeze. Could all that blood be hers? Could that face really be hers, so still and pale? I never dreamt that I would see her this way.

No, I still don't believe that it's true. Today feels like one of those days in the past, before I left Ostia. Before she left Ostia. Before any of this began.

Ah, the sky is filled with stars! The castle corridors are draped and lit, everyone's ready to welcome the new year. But how could they celebrate without _her? _They don't care. They don't care about what happened at all, all living in their own blissful, careless worlds!

They don't know how it's like, to know that the one you love is in danger, to want to keep her safe but be unable to, to arrive there, just to realise that you're too late…

I can still see her body in my arms. She is clothed the way she was the last time I saw her, but now there are dark wet stains at her collar, streaked across her cloak. I search for any sign of movement, but—none. She no longer breathes, though her body is warm, so close to being alive, and yet just beyond that barrier that cannot be crossed again.

Men are coming down the corridor behind me, wine splashing in their glasses, talk merry and bright. Down below my feet, in the windy night, the ladies are dancing on the decorated streets. What a perfect world, it seems. The world ignores me and all my pain, leaving me alone to face my whirling thoughts.

There were days like this for the two of us. We danced with everyone else on New Year's Eve, hearts soaring like beating wings. It almost seemed like I could forget everything else, as long as I had her hands in mine. That was the time when I felt like I were flying through the sky, laughing and drinking and sleeping fitlessly each night. It was once a perfect life for me, too. It was perfect, as long as she was there.

But then, it had to happen. I should have gone with her! But it would have been an insult to her skill. She had always been a notch higher than me. Why should I think that I'd make a difference? Still, if I had been there…perhaps it would have happened this way. Maybe she'd still be alive.

Nightmares. Endless, endless streams of consciousness from the past. She has tears on her cheeks, I realise, the rough cloth of her cloak in my hands. Her mouth is still slightly opened from her final words. Was it a scream on her lips? No, her face is too calm, her spirit too strong. The tears, are they from pain or from loss? Why does she cry? I want to confort her, quell whatever sadness made her cry then.

Somewhere in the sky ahead, there is a brilliant flash among the trees, and streaks of light shoot up through the blackness, blooming into dandelion clocks of white and red, green and gold. They are cheering, heart and soul, ready for the new year.

But all I can do now is recall. The lines are all blurring with my tears, the line between the present and the past, between what is real and what is no longer existent. I'm not ready to enter the new year. I want to stay within this year, stay within that moment in time where she left! I never want to let go of her memory. Why must time drag us all on? Whe will be lost forever in that moment, while I drift on through the years, further and further from her.

Who am I to say that everyone else is lost in his own world? I am the one isolating himself, ignoring the world, thinking that they are the ones with their backs turned on me. I don't think I can go on like this, living in two worlds. Is it time for me to end, just as she has?

Her smiles, her optimistic attitude, they shine at the back of my mind like bright, pure lights, as I look down at those sleeping, silent eyes with love. Then I notice a trace of a smile on her lips.

… …

…That's not what you'd want me to do, is it?

The fireworks have died down, at last, leaving right spots on my vision. In the grounds, the men and women are singing merrily in honour of the year past, in hope for the year ahead.

Silently, in my heart, I sing along with them, heart warmed by the words. Her expression lingers in my mind, her closed eyes, her tears. Her slight, gentle smile. For the first time today, I smile, in reply.

* * *

"Ma—"

She closes her eyes in pain, willing herself not to scream.

_Matthew, don't mourn for me too long. It as my mistake, and I must pay for it. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I never said any more to you before leaving. Don't let me drag you down for the rest of your life…_

She recalled his face as the world darkened beyond her eyelids, the pain seeping to the rest of her body. In her memory, he smiled at her in the brightness of a ballroom, neatly and formally dressed for the first time she had ever seen. They were all there to celebrate New Year.

His hand was offered up to her for a dance, the face she loved so dearly betraying his joy, their shared joy.

She felt tears rise in her closed eyes.

_Be safe, Matthew, _she thought, the memory, the words fading, like rocks falling into an endless chasm.

"Ma—Matthew," she whispered once more. His name on her lips gave her a little strength, a little hope and comfort, though her breath was weak.

Then she smiled, and fell to the blood-soaked earth, feeling no more, his face remaining imprinted in her mind, until the end.

One of my most emotional Fire Emblem fanfics to date. And also my third MatthewxLeila.


End file.
